Friday, May 20, 2011


I have been living in California for four months, now.

Since I have been here, I have found everything a girl needs to be comfortable!
I have found a home away from home in the church the young single adults meet in. The feelings of security and warmth are so comforting and the spirit of love is so strong, it is almost tangible!

I have found a great friend who also serves as my therapist. She is a radiant light of positivity and advice! I am glad to have someone here on whom I can rely!

I have also found a thriving social life. I have been to a party almost every weekend since (and including) my birthday. I have more friends here than I can shake a stick at, although why I would want to, I haven't the slightest! The YSA ward alone is bigger than the stake back home!

Among these bare necessities for fun and comfort, I have also found things within myself that have helped me to realize my own strengths.

Since I have been here, I have read my scriptures and said my prayers every single night. I have a small notebook I have been journaling my days in. I have uncovered in myself a passion and a drive. I want to be better than I am. I want to be able to look back day after day and say 'I am better today than I was yesterday'.

I have been striving to improve in all areas of my life. I have already described my improvements in the areas of spirituality and social interaction. Let me continue by describing the ways I have been improving in other areas.

I have been improving physically. I go out for walks in the park, I play volleyball every week and I have played very intense games of soccer at almost half of the beaches in San Diego. I like sports. I like getting sweaty and feeling like a pile of mush the morning after a game. I like the pain that I feel when my muscles are screaming at me to chill out or take a break. But I never do. They are not the boss of me. I am the boss of them.

I have been improving mentally. I have read more books since I got here than I had in the whole of 2010 and now that I am on a roll, there is no stopping me! I have downloaded the entire works of Shakespeare, the Sayings of Confusious, Pride and Prejudice, A Tale of Two Cities and countless other classics that I have yet to read! I have also been downloading textbooks relating to science and math, my weakest subjects. Who am I to sit idlly by while math and science get the best of me? I refuse to be beaten by them any longer and I am going to be the master of them if it takes all year!

Last night, I arrived an hour early for Sports Night. I was alone with myself. One of the things I have wanted to be able to do since I got here was serving overhand in volleyball. I do not know why I have been so determined to learn how to do this, but I spent an hour last night putting effort into my goal. I practiced my overhand serve until my hand shook. The rest of the night, I was even unable to fully straighten out my fingers on that hand.

Why would I do this? What could have possessed me to spend a full hour repetedly smacking a volleyball against the wall with all my might? Why subject myself to an aching shoulder in the morning and a shaky hand even as I type? The answer is the same reason I will do the same thing next Thursday. Because I have a potential and I realize now what a pity it is to waste that sort of thing.

I have realized the value of working for the things you want. I do not know what took me so long nor do I know how I could have settled for ordinary all this time. But I am done with ordinary.

I have been filled with fresh determination since I have arrived here. I am going to be the best I can be. No excuses, no settling.

I am Mary. I have potental that will no longer go to waste. I am living my life.


Jenna said...

Ah Mary! This is beautiful. I think a change of scenery has been a great thing & you have made the best of it! I miss you lots but I am glad that you are there & having fun & learning & growing!

I still can't serve the volleyball overhand. :)

Mary said...

I really miss being at home, but I also think that this change of scenery was exactly what I needed to get out of the rut I was in! I have been thinking about Mr. Sinclair from Brasier constantly saying 'Hard work' and having the students respond 'pays off'! How true this is!

Anyway, thank you so much for the comment, Jenna! I miss you very much, too! I will be back when summer is over, so I am looking forward to that very much! I can't wait to be back home!