Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Birthplace of Spam?


No, sillies, I'm not talking about that processed ham substitute that they shove into cans so that the un-healthily minded can scoop it out of said can and shove it into their mouths.


No. I'm talking about the type of spam that afflicts anyone with any sort of access to the internet. The type of spam we come across on websites, in our e-mail inboxes, and even in the comments we get on our blogs!
It gets annoying to find your inbox filled to the brim with advertisements, insincere offers of free gifts, and even promises of monetary gain!
But where does it all come from? Who actually has time in their life to write a letter asking for people's names, address, telephone numbers, etc?? Who had the time to sit down and write the letter I received today detailing the gruesome recent demise of an African billionaire who- oops!- doesn't have anyone to give his billions upon billions of dollars to after his tragic death on the top of a mountain in some far away land??
My theory? It comes from the land of geeks. Every corner of whatever online role playing game floats your boat hold a spammer. Every single online game that you come across where there are people pretending to be mystical creatures surrounded by horrible graphics and poor plotlines is an opportunity for a spammer to be born.
These people obviously have no life, right? They've been unemployed and living in their mother's basement since they were 15 or so and, even though they are in their mid-30's now, the only thing that has changed in the last few decades is that they went from playing Dungeons and Dragons with their buddies in person to playing World of Warcraft with their buddies that they never see, and never really talk to except on the game to trade armor, or swords or whatever the heck you trade on there.
Anyway, on with my theory. Since these people have no contact with the outside world except when they occasionally go out to an important family event, they obviously have to do something when their computer/internet goes through some lag-time, or while their computer -gasp- loses power. So that's when they put together their plans. That is when they compose their outlandish stories and etc. to fill the gap left behind by the absence of internet.
The other theory I have is of the Door to Door salesman. Haven't you all noticed that you never see door to door salesmen anymore? Why is that? Did they die out? Are they extinct? Did a meteor land on their "door to door salesman" convention in the middle of their annual get together? No, my friends, they have gone to the internet. The same annoying little distraction from your otherwise normal day is certainly unwelcome, but do they care? Of course not! They go about their business of having doors slammed in their face (without the physical door!) and being virtually ignored by not only stay at home moms and housewives, but also by their friends and family and anyone who has access to a computer!
Sorry door to door salesmen, but the gig is up, and the sad thing is? This online spamming thing is even worse for your wellbeing than before.
Not that all people who play online games or go door to door selling things are bad. I'm sure they're lovely people who are, at least, beautiful on the inside! I know some completely wonderful people who are not in any way awkward, socially challenged, pimply, nerdy or anything close! In fact, there are some people who play these games that are perfectly normal people who may or may not spend an insane amount of time online, and also find time to live a life. I'm not trying to diss them at all. And going door to door selling things can be a very respectable source of income if you do it the right way! I have nothing against most of them.
No, the problem I have is with the spammers. The people who waste other people's time (not to mention their own as well) with meaningless messages, e-mails, pop ups, advertisements, etc. The people who have nothing better to do than to sit at home on their computer and bother other people who just want to go about their business in peace.
Also- everyone deletes spam. Everyone closes pop-ups. If their is any worse way to advertise something, it's by using popups and spam. So thanks for that offer of 3.2 million dollars if I wire you money to escape from some country I've never heard of. I'll deeeeeply consider that offer. I'm already halfway to the nearest bank to transfer it into your account right now. Really. Keep e-mailing me. It'll get you something. Be persistant, PLEASE! And maybe you can share your boundless wealth and (no joke) "2 boxes of treasure" with me. R-E-A-L-L-Y.

1 comment:

Scott and Jenna said...

Hiiillllaaaaaarrrrrrrious! I got the same email. Do you think the guy died more than once???