I Love Me

WARNING: This post is going to contain my unbridled ego. There might not be enough room for it and you. You are about to find out exactly how vain I am. Carly Simon wasn't exaggerating in that song that she wrote about me.

I just wanted you all to know that I am very awesome. I really am. I'm sure those of you who know me in real life can't help but notice, that I'm constantly plagued by awesome. I really am. And sometimes, I just can't help being the bee's knees, it just happens!

Who else can sing along to songs ranging from Backyardigans to Billy Idol and everything in between? No one I know.

Who else can still fit into the t-shirts they got from Elementary School at age 20? Besides anorexics and people who were chunky as a kid but lost an extraordinary amount of weight as they grew up. They don't count.

Who but Mary can make you laugh during even the saddest of events? Who but Mary can make you smile when you're feeling down using lame puns alone? I can cheer up even the saddest emo kid. No doubt about it.

If you ask the kids at church who is the best at every video game ever made, who's name do they give you?? That's right, mine.

I volunteer constantly. I do. I amaze myself even when I list out the things that I do. I volunteer my time each sunday to teach 4-5 year olds in Sunday School. I volunteer my time as an Assistant CubMaster for the kids at my church.

I have volunteered two years in a row to go to Girl's Camp and spend a week teaching the girls and councilling them. They, of course, love having me there because I am the only leader who used to actually go to camp with them, and who they can trust to be their advocate with the other leaders. I was their comedy releif last year, when I slipped and fell butt first into a gigantic mud puddle. I was supposed to show up at an important dinner meeting later that night in those same clothes, but I laughed and made jokes because anything that would keep their minds off of the rainy day was welcome in my book.

Don't worry, that bandaged arm is just to cover a really bad insect sting/bite that had occurred the night before. If you look at the bottom, you can see the skid marks where I slipped.

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Anyway, back to how awesome I am. I am the best "gift giver" ever. I know people's quirky sides, and I know how to amuse that. If there's a girl who's turning sweet 16, and everyone else is giving her girly stuff, I know that the one present that will stand out is an etch-a-sketch, or a paddle ball. Because I know she still wants to be reminded that there's a kid in everyone, no matter how grown up we get. Also, when no one knows what to give someone, they come to me. Because I seem to know best I guess.

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I think I might just be the best reader around. I do think I am. I went to a private school in first grade that taught me how to read, and I've been addicted ever since.

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I can cook, I can clean, I can play soccer, I can play hackeysac, I can do laundry, I can help people with computer problems. I can make a mix tape of songs to play in a car that has no cd player. I can rip, mix and burn cds like nobody's business. I can beat any Splinter Cell game in a matter of hours.

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As a result of all my hackysac playing, I have fabulous legs. I really do. Smooth and shiney and with just enough muscle definition. I have the cutest feet you've ever seen as well. Super cute. They're adorable, really. Perfect in every way. My skin tone is amazing, and I have never had to go through a horrible teenager acne stage. My complexion is wonderful. And my hair is terrific. I can do all sorts of things with my hair, even with it being thick and wavy and frizzy, I can manage it, and it looks gooood.

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I love eating healthy food. I'm not obsessed with having a healthy diet, but I can make healthy meals for myself when I feel like it. I can also have a good ol' ham and cheese sandwich if I want it. Or a bowl of Froot Loops, which I absolutely love.

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I am good with kids. I really am. Any age. They just seem to love me. Maybe because I watch the same shows and can relate to the things they talk about. I know who Hannah Montana is, and I know who Dora the Explorer is.

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I am a very good organizer, and a very fast typer I can type, in a chat room situation, about 65 words a minute.

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I know who Fred Astair, Gene Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Rex Harrison, and Ginger Rogers are. I can watch shows and get almost every obscure reference that they throw out. I can watch a british comedy show and name most of the main characters, and what other shows they were in and how you might know them through other movies. I can connect Billy Dee Williams to Hugh Laurie using shows and co-stars.

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I can make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can play Heart and Soul on the piano, Ring of Fire on the harmonica, and Ode to Joy on the trumpet. I can skip rope, and hoola hoop. I can blow a huge bubble the size of my own head from only two pieces of bazooka joe bubble gum.

I can point out Estonia on a map.

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I can rhyme all the time and I'm fine with lemon lime. I drink water all the time, seriously. I can't get enough. I know obscure actors that no one else may notice. I can hold my own in all different types of conversations with all different types of people.

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I rock.

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*this post was brought to you courtesy a self esteem boost from learning how to put my twitter updates in that neat little box over there. I got twitter because even though I had thought about it, I wasn't entirely convinced until talking to Dr. A last night after he wrapped up the podcast